Text Message Breakup
by ItsMrFabulous
Summary: I return! Part Three of COTFB. Chapter 4. Max recieves the worst txt msg of her life from her X BF 4 EVA, DECK. Now she wants revenge. And oooh boy she gets it. M for language. Slash is implied you effing haters. COMPLETE Long overdue, I know.
1. The Last SupperOh, No He Didn't

Text Message Breakup.

Being Part THREE of The Chronicles Of The Fucking Betch.

Yeah, about Boys Are Nicer...I forgot about that. It's gone. Don't bother. p

Anyway, this is based off of the skit/video of Text Message Breakup. I'm gonnna throw in some of my own stuff to avoid plagerism. .

Anyway, this is Chapter One-The Last Supper/Oh, nooooo. o.o

* * *

It was an ordinary night in the household. Mother Grandma had come down for the holidays, and Max had brought Nudge over for dinner. Jeb and Cindy were watching the two carefull, whhile Ari was chewing loudly and looking like an idiot. A Hot,, athletic idiot. But I ramble. ... . I didn't say that.

After Ari finished minutes worth of chewing, Ari looked to Nudge, and broke the ever so awkward, yet carefully played silence. "My name's Ari." He smiled an evil, toothy grin with broccoli stuck inbetween his teeth. Nudge kind of sneered a little.

"Ya know," said Mother Grandma, trying to speak with her constant, uncurable Alzheimer-Parkinsons thing, "In this HUSTLE-AN'BUSTLE WORLD...it's SO NICE, that we can EAT TUGEHTA...as a FAMILY."

Everyone at the table stopped moving for a few seconds. But then they continued eating. Weird, huh?

Mother Grandma noticed Nudge for the first time, asking Cindy, "Whose THIS??"

"That's Max's little friend Nudge, Mother Grandma."

"Oh." MG-Unit said politely, before whispering to C-to-the-Indee, "She looks like a dead person."

Nudge, did in fact, look a little on the emo side.

"I know just the thing." Mother Grandma said, reaching for a tall bottle. "Have a shot'a WHISKEY, honey. MAKES YA FEEYUL BETTAH."

Cindy quickly stepped in. "We don't serve whiskey to the CHILDREN, Mother Grandma."

Nudge opened her mouth for the first time, an uttering babble. "Good potatoes, Max's mom."

"OH. It speaks." Cindy said rather unecessarily.

The two shared a glare before going back to their food.

Opening an envelope rather rudely at the dinner table, Jeb took a look at the telephone bill. "Kelly." He said, Kelly being the unloved child/scapegoat, "what is this outrageous 300$ phone bill?"

Mother Grandma answered this. "That's the telemahketuhs. Always GETTIN to me."

"Grandma, never answer the phone again." Jebb rolled his eyes.

"But it rings." M.G. uttered. But Max wasn't exactly out of the woods yet.

Ari, being the rude but hot aqnd athletic and inconsiderate bastard he is not, said, "It's probably MAX. Buying SHOES or somehting. NO NO NO WAIT, here's my imitation of Max-"

Worst imitation in 3.

2.

1...

"Shoes shoes shoes-GAY!!!!!!"

Everyone at the table burst into laughter, except our two heroes of the story.

At first Jeb didn't laugh. "That's a good imitation-SNORT." Then he joined in on the mocking chrous of laughter.

"MAX IS FUCKING RAD!!!!"

Everyone stopped dead. Nudge, having said this, felt pretty good about herself, crossed her arms in victory.

"Awesome." Max breathed, staring off into space in flattery.

Ari, as a lost resort, quickly said to her, "I'm an athlete."

Biting a raw piece of celery, Nudge replied simply, "I'm a vampire." and bore her teeth to show her fangs.

Ari's eyes windened.

"Max," Cindy said, "I hope your not wearing...THAT." she continued, pointing at Max's Fabulous Outfit, "t'meet your boyfriend. He's gonne think your CHEAP." Emphasizing the p, she finished her little mumbling rant.

"BOYFRIEND?" Jeb choked, staring at Max. "Who wants to date YOU?"

Mother Grandma woke up for a few minutes to listen in. "OH! That's th'one, that coms aroun', lookn for SEEEECKS."

Cindy tried shushing her, but Mother G-dawg said, "well, iss TRUE!"

Jeb cleared his throat, and everoyne shut up. "Don't have sex. Se is for..." And he turned to Cindy. "MARRIED people.

Cue weird funky 70's music. Looking into each other's eyes seductively, they continued eating, Cindy shoving a little bread thing down her throat. Ari watched in horror-oh, hey, it's Tim Allen.

"Soooooooo not hungry anymore." Nudge said, dropping her celery in disgust.

"Oh, HONEY! Yeh so THIN. Yh won't last though th'WINTEH." She reached for the whiskey, "Hav some whiskey, dear-"

Her parents exploded at each other while Ari said, "He's probably not gonna CALL, Max."

"Yeah he well, he's probably calling right NOW, DECK!"

Her phone rang. New Text Message. Betch.

Without bother-or need- to say Excuse Me, Max exited the dinner table to read the new message on her new Blackberry. Go buy it! No, don't.

The message is as follows:

"I Am Brakeing up with you."

Max sat in horror as she read the message. "Fucking BETCH!" She threw it across the room, hitting her gimp Iggy on the head.

"OW! Oh, Master Of Sex, that hurt-"

"SHUT UP, SKANK! NOT IN THE MOOD."

The only thing on her mind?

Revenge.

* * *

Longest chapter ever. p

Yeah, Chapter 2: To The Clubs/YOU COULDNT DO IT IN PERSON coming soon. Probably tomorrow. but probably not.


	2. To The ClubsAnd So It Begins

Chapter 2. NOT sorry for the wait, NOT sorry for how short it could/couldn't be. Anyway, here's chapter 2.

* * *

Max immediately began Operation: Txt Msg Brkup In her mind. 

Step 1: Spread to her friends.

Max called the rest of the flock (besides Iggy, her gimp. HEHE) together for a meeting. Now, they were loyal followers of her at this time, sso she expected no resistance.

or be WHIPPED.

When they all got there, show hastily showed everyone the fateful message.

Fang gasped, placing a couple of fingers on his lips as he said as gay as possible, "Oh. No. He. Didn't."

Believe me, if he was straight, it wouldn't work out. So it's nice to dream. (coughBURNTHEFAXcough)

Gazzy got angry the minute he finished reading it. "What a fucking DOUCHEBAG!"

Let it out, Gazzy. No one can stop you now.

Angel, who was angriest of all, said matter-of-factly, "I'm gonna send that guy a douchebag in the MAIL."

As you can tell, hey all have their sense of independence. What NOW, America?!

"So, what do we do?" Fang asked, trying to ponder whther he should've picked that Senses Fail shirt out at Hot Topic.

But don't tell Max that. She hates Hot Topic.

"Wait. He told me he was gonna pick me up to go to that new club."

"OH! You mean WhoreHouse?" Gazzy asked, snapping his fingers in remembering the name of the new club.

"Yeah, that one." Max said. "Anyway, Fang, can we use your car?"

"SURE! I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!"

"I didn't ask. I TOLD YOU, shetbag."

Fang looked dumb for a second. Cute, but dumb. "Oh. Totally knew that."

You can stop drooling now. He's gay, remember?

But, just then, Gazzy said, almost toally runing their evil scheme, "Isn't that place 21+?"

Angel flipped her hair. "I've got that covered."

Fang looked behind Max's shoulder. "Speaking of covering up...where's Nudge?"

"She's getting ready. She IS a vampire after all."

"Yeah." Fang looked down with a look on his face that he ahd a questio he knew Max was going to say no to.

"Can Iggy come?"

Max stared at Fang intently, but then shrugged.

"Whatever. He is your boyfriend, after all."

Fang pumped his fist. "Yes!" He suddenly started shaking his hand. "owowowowowowowow."

* * *

After Fang took 20 minutes to teach Iggy how to use the toilet and how to be human again, they finally were set to had out to WhoreHouse.

"Let's. Go."

They all piled into Fang's car, Angel on Gazzy's lap, Iggy in Fang's pants-I mean, lap,, Nudge in front, Max driving.

Swerving onto the street, they nearly hit a pedestrian. "WATCH IT!" they guy yelled.

"FUCK YOU, DECK!" Max shouted back, driving away ay 80 mph.

It literally took five minutes to get to WhoreHouse. "OK, everyone ready?" Max asked. Everyone nodded back. "Remember the

plan."

They all walked over to the line, looking hot as ever. After hearing shouts of the word 'brtch go on for about two and a half minutes fomr the line, they took action.

Angel walked up to the bouncer. "Hey, there." She started to unbutton her dress.

"Woa, hello." The bounce was immediately zoned into the pair. Angel gave a quick look to the others that said 'Go'.

The five made their way past the bounce. But then Evil Stripper Police Woman stopped them. "Where do you think you're going?"

Nudge's eyes grew red.

Evil stripper Police Woman had a horrified look on her face. (Kinda like this:

http://setiathome.ssl. when they got into the club, it was packed.

* * *

Jimbob looked-and felt- as dumb-cool as ever. He had just broke up with Max, he was single, and he got the right pair of socks on. He was on top of the world.

One of Jimbob's pals saw Max and the gang, and was trying to warn him. "SHE'S HERE!"

But Jimbob couldn't hear.

Max appeared behind Jimbob. "YOU COULDN'T DO IT IN PERSON!!!!!"

And so the humiliation began.


	3. It Spreads Like AIDS

Text Message Breakup. Holy shit, where the fuck has this gone?

I seriously forgot about this.

Holy shit.

Yeah. New chapter, riiiight now.

* * *

"YOU COULDN'T DO IT IN PERSON!"

Jimbob jumped about 20 feet in the air at the sound of Max's Shrill Of Betchosity.

"YOU HAD TO TEXT MESSAGE BREAKUP! YOU FUCKUP!"

Everyone turned to the sound of Max and the gang mentally/physically getting revenge on Jimbob.

"Oh, meh GOD, I'm gonna THROW up!"

"You couldn't even spell 'break' right!" Fang said.

"B-R-A-K-E?" Iggy shouted. "That's in your car, dipshit!"

"And I'm NOt gonna take this disgrace!" Max said matter of factly.

Ten-inch heels of doom to the fucking GROIN.

Jimbob doubled over in utter pain.

"I'll be like shit on your moobs on the INTERNETS."

(OK, I'm doing my best to keep from making it look like the video reenacted. I can't write for shit, mmkay?)

Max took out her phone. "This will the be the night of your downfall." She pointed the phone on camera mode at Jimbob's wrung, panied face. "You like texting so much?" She took a picture, immediately sending to her friends list. "How much ya like it now?"

Now, Max's frend list consists of all the cool people in the universe. Half of the people in the club.

The bouncer opened his phone. "What? He broke up with her?! You can't text message breakup!"

Paris hilton opened his phone to the message. "Kelly got dumped?! You can't text message breakup!" She giggled a bit whorish. "ahehehehehehehhe, that's hot. I'll put that in my new album."

From there, the news spread like wildfire.

* * *

And that's about all you get for now, fuckers. 

I promise to have a new longer chapter up by the end of the week.


	4. Chapter 4The Reverb EffectTHE END

Don't say it. Don't say a WORD. UHNKAY. I DON'T NEED YOUR SHIT. JUST. READ IT.

* * *

"Shit! OMG! NOWAI! WHAT!!"

They all now knew that Max's loser ex Bee Eff was a stupid loser who plays with his asshole in the shower. And when I say 'they,' I mean EVE-R-Y-ONE. Sweet jesus. I mean, eve Perez Hilton, not to be confused with the lady lumps from the previous chapter, had posted a blog about it, getting a pic and MS Pant-ing on "Smelly Pooface Bitch" with little squigglies coming out to symbolize bad odor. That's cold.

Max basked in her glory as all of her friends and friend's friends had their way with the poor sap.

"You're never gonna get laid in this town again!" One girl groaned as she bent down to poop on the sap, leaving it on his chest and rubbing it around with her heel.

"YOU STILL OWE ME TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS SHETBAG!" Max barged through as the crowd temporarily dispersed, and Max took his wallet. "Hello, DEBBIE CARD. MEET YOUR NEW MOMMY." Looking back down to him, she snarled.

"When we EVEN got a DOG, you still break up. PATCHES! COME FORTH!"

Max's farily primped, never-seen-until-now-fuckyouit'smystory dog appeared, a small, gutsy tyke that chewed on the man's ear.

Satisfied with their destruction, The Flock Posse made their way home to get Angel a morning-after pill and shower for her troubles.

in the meantime.

"UR MAI X BF FOR EVA DECK!!" Max shouted from Fang's car. "YOU CAN LICK MY FUCKING CLIT!!

Slam.

FOR ONCEE!!" And they drove away.

* * *

THERE! CONCLUDED! Yeah. Um. Sorry this took really really long. I kind of changed as a person, and left this all behind. But I can guess I can continue it. I have an entire week to myself, what else am I going to do? Expect Where Do You Think You're Going In That? and What R U Guys Talking About? Before next week's end. Peace.

* * *


End file.
